an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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