i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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