the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
