i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
