How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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