just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
