I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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