So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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