Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
