GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
