nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
please come you make the beer taste better
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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