i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
