Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
