Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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