Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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