So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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