There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
