she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
