everyone is single if you try hard enough
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I wish you could order shots online.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
