Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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