I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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