I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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