Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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