i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
