So drunk its hurt
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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