was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
