just survived the first fart of the relationship.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
