So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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