I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Randomize
