I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
