yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
