I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
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