He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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