my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
