he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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