I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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