But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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