I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
