Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
