Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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