You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
