he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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