I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
