woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
