even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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