she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize