Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
