so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
