My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
