im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
