Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
