Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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