I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
