What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
