Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
