My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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