Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
