Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Drake has all the answers
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
